Day 42

Childcare is very hard and demanding. There's no doubt about that. Often a mother doesn't get a break. We usually don't have a village, or even a supportive partner who is with us 50/50, or each of us giving 100%, put another way.

If my daughter had another safe adult who she wanted to spend more time with, that would be fine, if that's what's best for her development. Spend time around other family members who will nurture and enrich her life. And mom can have a break. If that was the case, then that would be wonderful. If she does not have such a safe adult or adults, then she needs me and I'm here for her. Just like so many mothers, who aren't getting breaks, and the 'married single mothers' who have partners that participate less or not at all. 

It's not ideal. But we do what we have to do. For the children. Even in the case of other safe, trusted caregivers, the mother is still often the most needed. It is a simple reality and is the design of the physical, of the human being, of human development. Both mother and child need each other during this time, are biologically and physiologically wired to nurture and maintain a strong attachment needed for homeostasis, or to live and thrive in a state of wellbeing. Especially for the child's development, their developing brain, which goes through the highest rate of development during ages one to three. The mother needs and benefits from the connection and time together as well, to support her mentally and physically through the high demands, and so that she has the necessary awareness and experience with her child as the child develops, to read, understand, support, and guide the child effectively. A lot of frequent consistent observation of a child is necessary to understand and identify their needs in a timely and effective manner. 

All this to say, that it is often erroneous to try to claim or view a mother's need and intent to maintain frequent access to her child as 'her desires' or 'what she wants' or 'in her self interest', as though it has nothing to do with this common and innate biological need of both mother ad child, which she as the adult of the two is the only one with the ability to advocate for, for herself and child. Can a mother act out of self interest theoretically and in some cases? I would say sure, anyone can. But, it's a hard claim to make without seeing clear evidence of this like if it's clear it's a case where the mother doesn't have concern for their child. Otherwise, if there is concern for the child


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