A Survivor's Journey to Life

LET US LIVE LET US LIVE LET US LIVE WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO LIVE FREE FROM ABUSE WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO LIVE FREE FROM ABUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO ABUSE US I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR ABUSE I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR ABUSE OF ME I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR ABUSE OF OUR DAUGHTER I WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHATEVER I CAN DO TO STOP YOU AND PROTECT US LEAVE US ALONE LEAVE US ALONE LEAVE US ALONE YOU NEVER WILL YOU WILL NEVER STOP YOURSELF  WILL YOU? WILL YOU? WILL YOU ADRIAN BLACKBURN? WILL YOU ADRAIN BLACKBURN? WILL YOU EVER STOP? WILL YOU EVER CHANGE? WILL YOU NEVER CHANGE? WILL ONLY DEATH CHANGE YOU? WILL YOU WAIT UNTIL THEN?

 It feels like the last day. It feels like a death. It's a death of who we are before we'd never spent the night apart. Not since birth when we were apart two days. You don't know how something will go, but I am fairly certain this will be traumatic for me, and for her. I will have to support us best I can, whatever happens. I'm doing my best. My period is about to start, emotions are big. I suppose I can appreciate that maybe this will help with getting the emotions out, with getting in touch with how I really feel. But I need to keep it together. I suppose it's ok for me to look hurt. But not utterly broken. Will I cry at the station? Maybe. Would that be bad? In front of Adrian. Because then he'll know/think/believe he's hurt me. He'll feel like he 'won' and might feel emboldened to keep doing what he can to hurt me. But how much influence do I have over that really? I'll probably ask chatGPT.  I feel like I'm dead inside, like my guts...

 Everything right now is a mess. Period coming. No time to think. Leaving in the morning to go meet the lawyers. No time to prepare. No time to think. Nika's behavior more 'extra' than usual. All day.