Day 23

 I just want to make it, I imagine us being 'free', we've found a way to be on our own, and then we take time to just do whatever the hell we want, to decompress from the toxic patterns we've been exposed to almost a year now, me almost a lifetime, plus the abusive relationships in between.

When do you get to heal? 

When I imagine this, I then feel very bummed, because we seem so far from that, it seems impossible. To have a house of our own? Where will we even get land?

It's thousands of dollars. For even just .14 acres. How. I can't worry about it. But then I feel like I'm being delusional to still hope. I guess it's possible, somehow to just get enough money. To do all the things. But then I tell myself it's not possible without ruining your life, without ruining Nika's childhood. But it has to be. I think others have done it. Found a way. If anyone can do it, I can, right?

The property sale. Maybe. If I had some land, I'd have something physical to work with. As was always my plan. But do I want it here? Can I get it elsewhere?

Do what I can. What if I get my blog or website going? Then I have a platform to share. That isn't corrupted like facebook and instagram. It's private if I want it to be, anonymous possibly.


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