Day 17

 Tens of thousands of dollars. Hours of stress and bullshit. Getting evidence and going through old documents and records and emails. Do you think I would do this for fun?

Who would think I would do this frivolously?

I wish I had a choice to do this in another way. 

I did not want to go through the legal system. In this world? That could make things worse. What choice did I have? If you think I had a choice you better listen to the facts and then see what I was dealing with.

You know what I would have liked? So much? What I wanted so badly? To Just. Walk. Away. But. When you have had a child with someone that choice pretty much goes away. It doesn't have to, but it's going to depend on the other parent. And if they're the abusive type, they're not going to agree to let you walk away with their child. Oh no. They WANT that child. That child is THEIRS. They are the biological parent which means they OWN that child. They have a RIGHT to that child. 

If you are not an abusive person, you might not get why that's not good. You might think and feel like I did that every parent has a right to access their child and that your heart would break if you couldn't. The biggest mistake you can make with an abusive person is to project what you think and feel onto them. They do not. They DO NOT think and feel like you do. For them it is a very long term ingrained habit to NOT think and feel like many people do. It is their habit to do the opposite. Because to feel is to be weak. To care is to be weak. To have emotions is to be weak. Unless any of these behaviors can be used to get what they want. Then they will ACT like they feel, ACT like they care, ACT like they have emotions.

It's hard to accept. Even now for me after what I've been through and seen behind the veil. You just don't want to believe it. Because it sucks. And it means you aren't safe. Your children aren't safe. Welcome to reality.


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