Day 13

Nothing changes who he is

Nothing that happens, nothing he does, changes that

He is who he is and the outcome is the same

Either he changes and changes his behavior to not be a problem

Or he doesn't change at all/gets worse and Nika may have to experience some abuse, but in the end she'll see who he is and I'll trust her to make a decision on how to set her boundaries to protect herself. She will see who is who and who I have been to her and that is what will matter. And I will always be here for her to help her navigate any experiences she has, and do my best to support her to feel and have her own agency in all things in her life as much as possible.

Her decisions need to be her decisions. Her boundaries have to be her boundaries. Her agency has to be her agency. If she ever wants me to decide something for her, then that can be her decision, and I can decide what to do in that situation. I will trust her to let me know when she is ready to take ownership of something and when not.

I will never lie or hide things from her. I will never distort reality for her. I will not burden her with anything she doesn't need or want. I will not place any expectations on her for how to be or what to do, that aren't appropriate for her as the unique individual she is, and that aren't basic reality considerations like living responsibilities when age appropriate and within reason and flexibility and grace that I show myself in life.

I commit myself to live my fullest and best life as myself and as her mother, for her and myself, because what else is there to do in life? What else am I going to do in this situation? Not just for me and for her but for everyone? What does it mean to be a human being in this world? What can it mean? What should it mean?


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